I'll admit it - I spent money on myself today, and the DH and I spent money on ourselves yesterday and today. What did we buy?

Well, I signed back up for "How to Think Sideways - Career Survival School for Writers"

Finishing HtTS is/was on my 101 things list, and I really did enjoy every moment of it. Unfortunately, it was one of those things I had to put on the back burner when our finances no longer allowed it, and I have to start over from the beginning. The good news is that I NEEDED to start over from the beginning (although starting over at the year long pace is pretty depressing) and am all set to jump into NaNoWrimo with an idea hopefully birthed from revisiting the first few HtTS lessons. We shall see.

And the "we" purchases were for our health - a copy of Wii Fit Plus (just came out Sun. and worth the upgrade for Wii Fit players), and a one month "trial" gym membership. We're going to go check everything out tonight, and I'm terrified. I'm afraid of what other people will think of me, of not knowing my way around, of making an idiot of myself in front of all the people who work out regularly; you name it, I'm afraid of it.

But you know what? I'm going anyway, and I know it's not going to be as bad as I'm making it out to be. How will I ever get in shape if I'm too afraid to step foot in the gym? The rest of the world is not nearly as interested in me as I seem to think they are; I doubt if anyone will even notice I'm there, or think twice about it. They've all got there own lives to worry about - who has time to spend thinking about the new whale at the gym? Even if there was someone out there who needed to get a life THAT badly, what do I care? I shouldn't, but I do...one of those many nasty habits I'm going to have to learn to break. I have spent the greater part of my life building up the illusion that I don't care what the rest of the world thinks about me...it's time to start tricking myself into believing it, too.

The inspiration for my little personal pep-talk came from none other than Holly Lisle, and is a part of the very first lesson of HtTS. In fact, it was going back over that lesson which prompted me to bite the bullet and get the membership, and the same reminder of "SAFE never starts" is going to be my mantra tonight as I go out and conquer my fear of the gym. I CAN do this, and I will, too.

If you're interested in How to Think Sideways - Career Survival School for Writers, then check out the website, here. But do it quickly; Holly will be temporarily closing sign-ups as of noon est on Friday, and they won't reopen until sometime next year.

And now, to prove to myself that I really have been paying attention to the four writing blocks, and trying to route them out of my own life, I'm going to publish this post without any self-editing whatsoever. Take that, perfectionism!!!!

Be honest...you thought I'd disappeared off the face of the planet, didn't you? Wait, you mean you didn't notice? You mean I DON'T have dozens of adoring fans who feared for my very life when I stopped posting? Well, poopie. Way to burst my own bubble there.

Ah, well, such is life. I suppose if I was a more consistent poster, then I could pretend someone actually read these things. Heck, if I was a more consistent poster, someone MIGHT. Wouldn't that be a trip?

Honestly, though...how many itty-bitty, no-name blogs do you find out there which address the "masses" of people who read them, when in actuality you're the first person to visit all week? Or worse, how many bloggers out there address their readers, when in the back of their minds they know such readers are utterly and completely non-existent?

But I digress. My point is, since I DON'T exactly have readers, per se, and thus am just participating in a socially acceptable form of talking to myself, I figure it doesn't matter one iota if I switch gears and revive this thing. So here goes.

All of those lovely projects I had in mind? Abandoned, every single one of them. I am a sad, sad, little woman who seems to be completely unable to follow through with, well, anything. But I do have a "new" project going on, and it's one which I cannot afford to abandon - our finances. As I seem to recall, "get out of debt" was one of the goals on my "list of things I like pretending I'll get done in the next 3 years." Unfortunately for me, debt isn't something I can just drop. Sooo...I'm attacking it. Viciously and without mercy, one dollar at a time.

I'm not going to lie to myself - it isn't easy. We've got some BAAAAD habits in this neck of the woods, and we're not having to "break" them so much as pry them out of our cold, dead grips one rigid finger at a time.

Like just about every other "need to" and "want to" I've had in the past twenty-two years of my existence, I didn't figure I had any more of a chance of actually sticking with this one than I did the others...I mean, I'm me, after all, and "me" isn't changing overnight. So instead of jumping straight back on here to tell the world *cough*myself*cough* how wonderfulfantasticsplendiferous this new idea of mine was, I figured I'd hold out a little while. I sat down at my laptop, worked out a budget, showed it to the spouse-creature (who was happy to no longer have the responsibility) and became what he lovingly calls "the budget nazi."

I'm really not that bad. I wish I was, actually, because we're still blowing money on things like eating out, and it almost seems worse this time around, what with SEEING where that wasted money is going. But we've not gone without food because of a stupid mistake once since I started this mess, and it's been about a month, so I figure we're doing pretty good.

Now's the point where I ask for opinions from all of you amazing, non-existent readers. Got any clever money making tips up your sleeves? We're both working two jobs right now, don't have cable, have switched Internet providers to something cheaper, and I'm tracking our spending religiously *shudder*. Next steps include automating bill payments so that we don't have any late charges from forgotten bills, then snowballing our debt with every extra penny I manage to squeeze out of our greedy little grasps. We've started tithing and saving again (things we've been neglecting woefully)...but what else? I've found a list of survey websites from a source I trust...these are supposedly all above board and legit (we'll see). Anybody got any experience with those? How'd it work out for ya? If you're out there - oh lone reader who accidentally stumbled across this train wreck and can't look away - let me know, 'kay? I'd appreciate it.

We did some rearranging this weekend, and I set up a new desk area for myself.

Hey...where'd they go? Poor Thomas is really confused now that his food and water bowls have a new home.

The view from the road, on the way to SiL's new house. Isn't it lovely?

Q: How many Stevens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: I dunno...we usually call a professional.

The Problem with "blank"

The problem with blank is that it stares

It tears a hole into the universe

Of ink and paper and computer screens.

The problem with blank is that it mocks

It cocks its head to the side and asks

What, can't write today?

The problem with blank is that it's mean

It's clean white spaces tease like those

Kids on the playground; 'you are not enough '.